When it comes to desserts and treats for children, finding the right balance is crucial. Restricting sweets can backfire. Research indicates that the more attention we give to desserts or treats, the more fixated a child becomes. This fixation can lead to sneaking and increased consumption, potentially causing children to internalize guilt as they perceive sweets as a forbidden food. However, it’s essential to provide useful tips to help children be mindful of sweets, as giving in to these requests may reinforce the behaviour and lead to further demands.
In this post, I will outline a healthy approach to handling desserts or treats with children.
WHAT IS SWEETS? TREATS? DESSERTS?
“Sweets” generally refers to foods high in added sugar, calories and/or saturated fats, often consumed as desserts or treats. This category includes items like candy, cookies, cakes, pastries, ice cream, chocolate, chips, and other confectionery products. While they’re enjoyable to eat, it’s important to remember the tips to help children be mindful about sweets. Sweets shouldn’t be served to children under two years old, and their consumption should be moderated in older children. Nonetheless, sweets are a part of life, and it’s essential for parents to teach their children how to enjoy sweets mindfully.
“Treats” and “desserts” can overlap with sweets but may also include healthier options. Treats are indulgent foods often enjoyed occasionally, while desserts are sweet dishes typically served at the end of a meal. Here are some healthy dessert or treat ideas:
- Smoothie
- Energy bites
- Apples and peanut butter
- Frozen yogurt bark
- Granola bars
These options provide sweetness and satisfaction while also offering nutritional benefits.
TIPS TO HELP CHILDREN BE MINDFUL ABOUT SWEETS
FLEXIBLE SWEETS POLICY (FSP)
Here are some key points to consider when crafting a FLEXIBLE SWEETS POLICY (FSP) for your family:
1. SERVE DESSERT WITH MEAL NOT AFTER MEAL
“You shouldn’t offer dessert with dinner. They’ll just eat the dessert.”
I know you are worrying that your child will only eat the dessert. And yes, that is a possibility.
But, do you ever remember sitting at the dinner table telling your parents you are full, but you still had room for dessert? I do!
Ellyn Satter, a renowned dietitian and feeding specialist, suggests incorporating a small portion of dessert into dinner to normalize its consumption. Serving dessert with a meal takes away its special power and sends the message that this is just another food we are eating today.
The crucial aspect is to refrain from offering seconds of dessert and allowing children the freedom to consume the meal in any order they prefer. A lot of children will choose to eat the dessert first if it’s offered, but then they will go on to eat the other foods at the meal, too.
By serving dessert with a meal, you’re avoiding the notion of it being a reward only after finishing the meal. Each child should receive one serving of dessert, whether it’s two small cookies, a scoop of ice cream, or a small piece of cake. Surprisingly, in my own experience, serving dessert alongside the meal often results in they eat the dessert first , they will then finish most of their meal.
Instead of using a restriction statement like,
“You can’t have ice cream until you eat your carrots.”
Child learns ice cream are better than other foods and needs to be earned.
Try a neutral statement like,
“Let’s have a scoop of ice cream with dinner, which one do you want?”
Child learns that ALL FOODS can fit into a healthy lifestyle.
Some children might eat the dessert first, like what you are worrying, and some might not even touch anything else at that meal, or some might ask for more dessert. I just want you to know it’s completely normal for children and human beings in general, to enjoy some foods more than other.
2. CALL THE NAME
It’s important to note that a treat in one household might not be considered a treat in another. For example, in my home, we often have baked goods like cookies, muffins, energy balls readily available. We also enjoy freezing grapes, strawberries and bananas and occasionally dipping them in chocolate. In my mind, I considered all of these foods as “treats”, others may have different perspectives.
Regardless of how we define treats, I make a conscious effort not to label any food as a “treat” around my children. Instead, I refer to them by their names, such as “candy”, “Ice cream”, “cookie”, “chocolate covered strawberry.” For younger children, I use terms like “everyday foods” and “fun foods” or “not everyday foods.”
By avoiding categorizing foods as “good” or “bad,” I aim to foster a neutral perspective on food. Using terms like “treats” or “junk” can give theses foods a mystique or imply negatively, such as being forbidden or bad. Ultimately, they’re JUST FOOD.
3. FREQUENCY AND VARIETY
Dessert or treats can be a regular part of a healthy diet, and as a parent, you have the flexibility to decide how often they fits into your family’s routine. Some parents prefer to reserve dessert for weekends and special occasions, while others are comfortable with more frequent indulgence.
You can aim to incorporate dessert into your family’s meals on 3-4 nights per week without any plan in place. Avoid creating a pattern where children only receive dessert when they eat a good dinner.
Offering lots of “healthier” dessert options can help children feel like they have a choice. Consider options such as homemade oatmeal cookies, frozen yogurt barks, energy balls, or ice cream with nuts and fruits.
Using a positive approach, offer dessert as a choice alongside the main meal.
“Would you like fruits or vanilla yogurt with your dinner later?”
On evenings when dessert isn’t on the menu, establish boundaries by simply stating,
“We’re not going to have any dessert tonight, but maybe tomorrow”
Emphasize a positive approach by saying “YES” to dessert rather than simply denying it.
“It’s not on the lunch menu right now, but we can save some to have with dinner.”
PORTION CONTROL AND AUTONOMY SWEETS
Occasionally, it’s beneficial to offer unrestricted access to sweets during specific occasions or events where desserts or treats are plentiful, such as parties. For example, at a birthday party, you could place a plate of chips on the table and let your child take as many as they desire. By granting them free rein at the dessert table can be a way to empower them to make their own choices, learn self-regulation, and develop a healthy relationship with sweets.
These occasional opportunities for unlimited dessert consumption align with the tips to help children be mindful about sweets, as you’re teaching your child to listen to their body’s cues of hunger and fullness while also allowing them to enjoy treats in a balanced manner.
SETTING HEALTHY BOUNDARIES OF SWEETS
Implement strategies to neutralize the allure of sweets and promote a healthy attitude towards dessert consumption:
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- Dessert should not come with conditions, such as finishing vegetables or cleaning the plate.
- Dessert should not be treated as a reward or bribe.
- Don’t soothe a crying child or anxious preschooler by using sweet food to calm the emotions.
WHAT WORKS FOR MY FAMILY
We’ve adopted a flexible once-a-day policy regarding sweets. On most days, we indulge in treats like dark chocolate, baked goods, or ice cream, though the frequency may vary – weekends tend to have more, while other days might have none at all.
During parties or event celebrations (CNY), my children are encouraged to freely enjoy sweets, provided they remain at the table while doing so. However, if dessert follows dinner about 2 hours later, we sometimes limit the amount, especially if it’s close to bedtime.
Now that my children are growing older (aged ten and three), they often regulate their sweet intake on their own, which has been a positive development. Every family is unique, so while my approach may suit us, others may find success with less frequent sweet offerings.
Your flexible sweets policy should be personalized and aligned with what feels right for your family. However, it’s essential to remain open to adjustments if you sense it’s not working or if your child becomes fixated on food.
Signs that your approach is effective include occasional requests or mild whining for sweets, which is normal. Overall, you should feel that your child is CONTENT with the frequency of treats and doesn’t overly obsess over them. They may eat a lot of something they haven’t had in a while, but when they are done they stop thinking about it.
Conversely, signs that your approach may not be working include a child who CONSTANTLY asks for sweets and never seems satisfied after consuming them. They might resort to sneaking treats or exhibit excessive indulgence in sweets outside of the home. When these behaviors arise, it’s a clear indication that adjustments to the policy are necessary.
WHAT IF CHILDREN ASK FOR TREATS ALL DAY LONG?
Establishing healthy boundaries is crucial when faced with persistent requests for treats or sweets throughout the day. Acknowledge that they want it and let them know they will get more at a later time. Better yet, get down to their level and talk calmly.
“I know you really want a chocolate. That’s not on the menu with lunch, but we can save one for dinner!”
“Did you enjoy your cupcake? Let’s leave some so we can have more tomorrow.”
If you don’t have any left, let them know you’ll put it on the grocery list for next time.
“I know you love cookies, let’s put them on the grocery list.”
As a parent, it’s essential to determine what feels comfortable for you and your family. Consider options such as allowing one treat per day or reserving treats for weekends while maintaining a no-dessert rule on weekdays. Having clear policies in place gives you a solid reason to say no when needed, even though your child may express disappointment.
Remember, children look to you to set boundaries and understand what’s appropriate. They rely on your guidance to navigate their choices, especially regarding treats. While it’s essential to stand firm in your decisions, flexibility is also key. If a day becomes particularly indulgent, such as during a school party followed by treats at home, adapt by offering healthier options like fruit for dessert in the following days. Being mindful of these situations helps maintain balance and reinforces healthy eating habits for your child.
BOTTOM LINE
By following these tips to help children be mindful of sweets, families can create a healthy sweets policy that promotes moderation, autonomy, and a positive relationship with sweets. Remember, prioritizing nutrient-dense foods for the majority of meals provides children with essential nutrients while allowing room for occasional indulgence.
REMEMBER, children under two years of age do not require regular dessert in their diets. Introducing dessert at this age can displace essential nutrients. Therefore, it’s best to offer alternatives like yogurt and fruit. As children grow older, they will have ample opportunity to learn self-regulation around sweets.
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