Posts in category: Picky Eating

Feeding a picky eater can be challenging, often turning mealtimes into battles filled with stress, tears, and frustration. When a child refuses multiple meals or consistently rejects new foods, it’s natural for parents to feel concerned and even resort to rules like the “three-bite rule” or offering dessert only if dinner is eaten. However, these approaches often increase the stress of mealtimes, leading to more food refusals, tantrums, and anxiety. This guide will help you navigate feeding a picky eater in a way that fosters a positive relationship with food and reduces mealtime stress.

WHY DO CHILDREN BECOME PICKY EATERS?

Picky eating often begins as children transition from infancy to toddlerhood, as their growth slows and their willingness to try new foods declines. This can be a normal part of development, but other factors may contribute:

1. Routine and Structure
   • Consistent mealtime routines help children build an appetite and associate specific times with eating.
   • Regular meals and snacks about 2.5 to 3 hours apart, with only water offered in between, support a balanced appetite.
2. Temperament
   • Some children may naturally be more sensitive or cautious, and this can affect their willingness to try new foods. Consider your child’s temperament and how it might influence their eating behaviors.
3. Medical or Sensory Issues
   • Conditions like acid reflux, constipation, or sensory processing challenges can make eating uncomfortable, contributing to picky eating.
   • Mechanical issues, such as difficulties with chewing or swallowing, can also play a role. If you suspect an underlying issue, consult a healthcare provider for tailored advice.

THE DIVISION OF RESPONSIBILITY

Registered dietitian Ellyn Satter introduced a model called the Division of Responsibility (DOR), a framework that creates boundaries while honoring a child’s natural appetite and preferences. DOR outlines distinct roles for both the parent and the child, allowing parents to guide mealtimes without pressuring children to eat. By respecting these roles, parents can ease the stress around meals and help children build lifelong healthy eating habits.

PARENT’S RESPONSIBILITIES IN FEEDING 

1. WHEN the child eats

• By age one, children typically benefit from three meals and two or three snacks a day.
• Snacks should be scheduled and not constant, as this allows children to build up a natural appetite before meals.

2. WHERE the child eats

• Family meals at the table provide consistency and foster positive social interactions around food.
• Studies show that children who have regular family meals tend to make healthier choices, perform better academically, and have a lower risk of engaging in risky behaviors.

3. WHAT the child is offered

• Parents are responsible for choosing which foods to offer. Aim to provide a balanced meal with diverse food groups. Avoid becoming a “short-order cook” by preparing special meals solely to meet your child’s preferences.

CHILD’S RESPONSIBILITIES IN FEEDING 

1. HOW MUCH to Eat

• Allow children to decide how much food to eat, respecting that their appetites can fluctuate day-to-day.
• Avoid pushing children to “clean their plate” to help them develop a healthy relationship with their hunger and fullness cues.

2. IF They Choose to Eat

• Especially with toddlers and young children, it’s normal for them to occasionally refuse a meal entirely. Trust that they are listening to their body’s signals, and avoid turning this into a power struggle.

TIPS FOR REDUCING MEALTIME STRESS

To create a positive and low-pressure mealtime environment, consider these strategies:

1. Respect Your Child’s Appetite

• If your child isn’t hungry, avoid force feeding. Forcing a child to eat can lead to negative associations with mealtime and weaken their sensitivity to hunger cues and fullness cues.

2. Remove Pressure

• Avoid incentives or ultimatums like “two more bites for dessert” or “if you finish, you get screen time.” Even well-intentioned praise for eating can increase pressure. Instead, keep mealtimes relaxed and focus on enjoying the experience as a family.

3. Limit Distractions

• Minimize iPads, TVs, and toys during meals. Creating a calm environment allows children to focus on their food and listen to their body’s signals of hunger and fullness.

4. Get Kids Involved in Food Prep

• Let children help with age-appropriate tasks like rinsing vegetables, stirring batter, or setting the table. Involving them in meal preparation encourages a positive attitude toward food and can increase their willingness to try new things.

5. Sneak in Nutrients Thoughtfully

• While “sneaking” vegetables or other refused foods into favorite dishes should not replace exposure to whole vegetables, it can be a helpful strategy for nutrient intake (short term only). Smoothies, sauces, and casseroles are great options for adding hidden veggies or proteins.

BOTTOM LINE

Picky eating can be frustrating, but it’s helpful to approach mealtime with patience and flexibility. By implementing a balanced approach to your child’s feeding responsibilities, involving them in the kitchen, and setting consistent routines, you’re laying a strong foundation for positive eating habits. Picky eating can be a phase, and with patience, your child will likely develop a healthier relationship with food over time.

I completely understand how challenging it can be to make these changes, and I appreciate the daily struggle of living with a child who has a limited diet. It can be overwhelming and exhausting, and many parents tend to unfairly blame themselves. You’re not alone! If you need more personalized help, I’m here for that too. I’ve successfully worked with many families to create custom action plans to get a child—or the whole family—back on track with healthy eating.

Looking for support in implementing the Division of Responsibility in Feeding in your household? Check out my Peaceful Mealtimes online course here.

As parents, once of our most basic jobs is to feed our children. It sounds simple enough. However, when your child is especially picky about what they eat, it can become a logistical and emotional nightmare.

When a child has a very limited food repertoire, mealtimes can become stressful. Many parents try to cajole, persuade, beg, bribe, or threaten their children into eating different foods. These actions are rarely met with success, and even if they work in the moment, they do nothing to encourage their child to develop a positive relationship with food.

So how can you make the dinner table less threatening for children who struggle with picky eating, and less stressful for you as parents? Here are some tips to help you achieve that.

1. BE CAREFUL OF HOW YOU LABEL YOUR CHILD

We all live up to the names we are given, good or bad. If you tell everyone that your child is a “picky eater”, he will believe that. Instead, try to avoid discussing the topic in his presence. If that is not possible, be mindful of the words you use. You could say something along the lines of “James is still learning to like eggplant. He may want to try them today. Let’s ask him and see.” If James overhears this conversation, it tells him that food preferences change over time, and he is in control of when to try new foods. This is more encouraging and less stressful than hearing himself referred to as a “picky eater”.

2. TALK TO YOUR CHILD ABOUT HOW TASTE-BUD CHANGE

Let them know it is okay that they only eat a few foods right now, and that it might change in the future. Food preferences are always evolving. If your child understands that, they are more likely to try in the future something they do not want to try today.

3. ENCOURAGE YOUR CHILD TO EXPLORE FOOD WITHOUT THE GOAL OF EATING IT 

Talk about how food looks, smells, feels, what temperature it is, and how it sounds. Encourage them to explore it, with no expectation that they will eat it. It allows them to familiarize themselves with different foods without the stress of having to try them. Try Sensory Fun Food Play Activities here.

4. TAKE IT IN STAGES 

Instead of focusing on getting your child to eat new foods right away, take it in stages.

• Stage 1 might be tolerating it sitting on their plate. With some children, even stage 1 can be challenge.
• Stage 2 might be sniffing it.
• Stage 3 touching. Then licking, and eventually tasting.

Know that it might take weeks or even months to get through all the stages with one food, and that is ok. Just take a deep breath and try to be patient.

5. LET THEM SPIT FOOD OUT 

This might sound controversial. Who wants a child to spit out their food? But if a picky eater knows that they can remove food from their mouth if they don’t like it, they are more likely to give it a try. Teach your child how to politely remove food from their mouth using a napkin, and let them know that it is acceptable to do that if they try a food they don’t like.

6. CHANGE THEIR SCRIPT 

How many times have you heard your child say, “I don’t like it” before they have even tried something? Just the act of a child saying that to himself can reinforce the idea that he does not like the food. New time your child makes that declaration, encourage him to say “I don’t feel like trying it today” instead. It reinforces the idea that they may want to try it in the future, and allows them to feel in control of their choices.

7. ASSIGN ROLES APPROPRIATELY 

Ellyn Satter, Registered Dietitian Nutritionist and Family Therapist, developed the Division of Responsibility in Feeding approach to mealtimes. The crux of it is that roles should be divided up between the parent and the child in the following way:

• The parent decides what, when, and where the child will eat.
• The child decides how much they will eat, if any.

In practice, that meals that you as the parent decide when and where mealtimes will take place, and what food to put in front of your child. The next part is the hard part. You have to step back and let your child decide how much to eat, if any. It is not easy to do, but over time it has been shown to encourage children to be more accepting of new foods.

8. GET CHILDREN INVOLVED IN BUYING INGREDIENTS AND PREPARING MEALS 

At the grocery store, ask your child to pick out a new food they might like to try. You could also check out some children’s cookery books from the library, or go online and look at some recipes. Get them involved and excited about mealtimes. Over time, increasing their interest in food will translate into becoming more adventurous at mealtimes.

9. MAKE SURE THEY ARE HUNGRY AT MEALTIMES 

If your child is not hungry at mealtimes, it is going to be even harder to encourage them to eat a variety of foods. Try not to let your child snack in the hour leading up to mealtime. If there is less than one hour to go and your child simply can’t wait, offer them part of their lunch or dinner, or some cut fruit or vegetables.

10. ALWAYS PUT SOME FAMILIAR FOODS ON THEIR PLATE

Remember the goal is to make mealtimes stress-free for your child. You want them to come to the table looking forward to the meal. If they are anxious, they are less likely to be adventurous. By making sure there are always one or two foods on their plate that they like, you remove a lot of the stress for a child who is picky about what they eat.

11. MAKE FOODS APPEALING 

By this, I don’t mean that you have to start creating art with your child’s meal. However, you can make little changes that will enhance your child’s enjoyment.

For example, you could cut vegetables into sticks and give them a dipping sauce, use a cooking cutter to make fun shapes out of sandwiches or sliced cheese, or cut foods into cubes and skewer them onto wooden tooth picks to make kebabs. Children often respond well to giving foods interesting names, like monster juice for green smoothies, or baby trees for broccoli. Also try to make meals colourful and visually appealing, and only put small portions on your child’s plate. Being faced with a huge pile of bland-looking food won’t do much to tease out your child’s adventurous side. I’ve more than 100 activities or ways to make foods more fun.

12. EAT FAMILY STYLE MEALS 

Family style meals involve putting the food in serving bowls on the dinner table and allowing people to serve themselves. Giving your child control over what he chooses to put on his plate can help relieve anxiety and encourage him to be more adventurous about what he chooses to eat. Hotpot or Hakka Lei Cha (客家擂茶) are a great way to do this. Salad bars are another. Just lay it all out and let everyone dig in.

13. MODEL GOOD EATING HABITS 

Children love to copy their parents. If your child sees you eating a diverse range of foods, they are more likely to do the same. This is especially true if you allow the family style meals tip, because they can pick from the same bowls that you picked from.

14. ENCOURAGE YOUR CHILD TO EAT UNTIL HIS BELLY FEELS FULL 

Explain to them what it feels like to have a full belly, and tell them that is the goal at mealtimes. Let them know they do not have to finish all the food on their plate if they feel full before that. If they consistently leave lots of food on their plate, try serving them a little less food.

15. OFFER NEW FOODS OFTEN 

You have probably heard it many times before, but children often need exposure to a new food many times before they will try it. Follow the old adage, “If at first you don’t succeed, try again”.

16. LET THEM KNOW THEY WILL NEVER BE FORCED TO EAT SOMETHING THEY DON’T WANT TO EAT 

With this in mind, children will be less fearful of the dinner table. A relaxed child will be more open-minded, which is what we want to achieve.

17. AVOID MEALTIME BATTLES 

Entering into mealtime battles with your child never ends well. Try to keep mealtimes stress free for your child. You want them to enjoy coming to the dinner table, not dreading it because they might be forced to eat something they don’t want.

18. KEEP MEALTIMES RELAXED 

Try to focus on something other than their eating. If your child tries a new food, offer some encouraging words, but don’t make a big deal out of it. Just keep it business as usual. Avoid cajoling, persuading, begging, bargaining, or threatening your child to eat. DOWNLOAD Mealtime Conversation Starters HERE.

19. IF VEGETABLES ARE A CONCERN, HIDE SOME AND SHOW SOME 

Sometimes, parents of picky eaters are worried about their child’s nutrition intake. If this is you, and your child turns his nose up at vegetables, try hiding some and showing some. You can hide veggies in smoothies, pancakes, or blended sauces. That way you know your child is getting some fresh produce in their diet. Once they like the taste, you can tell them what went into it to help desensitize them to those foods.

Hiding vegetables does not teach your child to like them.

20. TALK TO YOUR CHILDREN ABOUT WHAT FOOD DOES FOR YOU 

Help your children understand the importance of food, that it gives your energy, helps your brain work properly, and makes your muscles strong. While this is unlikely to bring about any short-term changes in their food intake, over time it will help them see just how important it is to make healthy food choices.

21. EXPECT SOME WASTE

The process of encouraging your child to eat a greater number of foods is often long and fraught with frustration for everyone concerned. Part of that frustration is usually directed at the food waste that inevitably accompanies the process. Try to remember that some waste is unavoidable. When it makes you stressed, remind yourself that you are doing a very important job here. You are teaching your child lifelong habits that will impact their physical and mental health.

Food waste is an unfortunate side effect of that, and will hopefully be short lived.

22. IF IN DOUBT, SEEK PROFESSIONAL HELP 

If you re at all concerned that what your child is experiencing is more serious than common picky eating, consult their pediatrician. They may benefit from seeing an occupational therapist. And if your are worried that your child is not getting enough of the nutrients they need, a paediatric Dietitian can help advise you. BOOK 1-1 Nutrition Consultation NOW.

BOTTOM LINE 

All of these tips are designed to help you create a relaxed eating environment in which your child is comfortable and confident. You want your child to have a positive relationship with food. That being said, it is likely to be a long and rocky journey for you as parents. But the effort you put in now will set your child up for a lifetime of healthy eating habits. And in those darker moments when you feel as tough you are doing it all wrong, remember this. Just by reading this post and taking steps to help your child, you are doing an amazing job. Keep going. You can do this. It will all be worth it in the long run.

If you’re still struggling with a picky eater and want to learn more about ending pressure your child to eat then join PEACEFUL MEALTIMES online course for a complete step-by-step process for preventing or reversing picky eating. This is the best of feeding therapy, all rolled into one affordable course with lifetime access and ongoing support.

As a mother and a dietitian, I know how challenging it can be to get your children to eat enough fruits and vegetables. We are so removed from our food supply, teaching children about how food is grown will help them appreciate what is on the table. When they involve in gardening, they learn that food comes from the ground, not from supermarket. More and more research (here, here) shows that when children help grow fruits and vegetables, they are more likely to eat more produce and try different kinds, too.

YOU CHILDREN CAN BE PART OF THE PLANTING AND GROWING PROCESS 

Depending on their age, children take the gardening differently. For example, preschoolers tend to be fascinated with exploring dirt, digging holes, planting seeds and working the garden hose, while older children may be more interested in how a single seed turns into an edible plant. Ask children which fruits and vegetables they would like to grow. Teach children responsibility by assigning each child a watering, harvesting or weeding task. Allowing children to be involved in every step of the process will get them excited to taste the fruits and vegetables of their labor.

ENCOURAGE TASTE TESTING

Gardening exposes your children to a variety of fruits and vegetables so encourage taste testing straight from the ground (after a quick rinse to remove dirt) and at the dinner table. Show kids how a tomato can taste delicious from the vine or in dishes such as pasta sauce.

Children are fascinated by both very small and very large objects — including vegetables. Whether in the ground or pot, cherry tomato plants grow to the perfect height for little hands to pick right off the vine.

INDOOR HERB GARDEN

Herbs are perhaps the easiest plants to grow and can be a good place to start to interest children in gardening. Most herbs can grow in small pots on indoor windowsills. Herbs usually grow easily, so you’ll probably have more than enough. Choose a few herbs to start, such as parsley, basil, rosemary, green onion. Don’t worry if you have too much herbs in the end.

An excess of basil can be made into pesto, frozen in ice cube trays and stored in the freezer to use later. And, all herbs can be dried.

START FROM WHAT YOU EAT 

Begin small by creating a garden with a dinner salad in mind. Plant salad greens, carrots, tomatoes and cucumbers — all are kid-friendly and easy to grow. Children like to see the result of their effort, so consider planting crops that grow quickly such as green beans or carrots; or those that produce heavily such as grape tomatoes.

GARDENING IN SMALL SPACES 

No yard? No space? No problem! Try using large pots/containers/planters, you can placed on the balcony or porch to grow foods such as tomatoes, salad greens, peppers and even cucumbers.

MY GARDENING EXPERIENCE IN CANADA 

Gardening helps our children engage their curiosity, learn to be resourceful and gain self-confidence. It also is a great way to get the entire family outside for fresh air and physical activity.

If you’re like me and you’re new to gardening, the idea of starting a garden might be a bit overwhelming. After a lot of research and some trial-by-error and tweaking, last Summer my 3-year-old son, husband and I planted our first backyard container garden.

Here is what you need to start your indoor or outdoor garden:

1. Pots, planters (if space is limited)
2. Some soil (Look for Organic soil under any brand, most nurseries have them)
3. Seeds (You can buy them from nurseries)
4. Plenty of water
5. Sunlight
6. Space (patio, balcony, backyard)
7. Patience

After a couple of months, the hard work will pay off with your own fresh and delicious fruits and vegetables for the whole family to enjoy.

No matter what you plant and whether your carrots look like carrots or something different, have fun. Odds are kids and parents will enjoy the time they spend together and learn a little something along the way. And remember: children are going to get dirty; that’s part of the fun!

Harvesting roots and tubers can be a treasure hunt. What’s more fun for a child than yanking a carrot out of the ground, washing it and taking a bite?

Children will be fascinated by the growing process, whether it’s indoors or out. Small children may find it exciting to watch how low-maintenance, easy-to-grow and brightly colored berries grow and expand during the season.

Unfortunately, the winter is quite long in Canada, the growing season can be very short. So, we are planning to grow more indoor herbs this year.

WHAT ABOUT MALAYSIA? MALAYSIANS CAN ENJOY A YEAR-ROUND HARVEST 

Start an herb garden

• Herb gardens are great for kids and it doesn’t matter the season.
• Growing herbs doesn’t take much work – some soil, lots of sunlight, and water. The process, from seed to skillet, is similar to growing a garden. Let children relish in trying new flavor profiles they had a hand in growing!
• TRY: Oregano, thyme, mint, rosemary, basil, lemongrass, curry leaf, green onion, ginger, onoin.

Start a vegetable garden

• Let children choose some of the seeds to plant.
• Guide them in exploring and researching other decisions that go into a garden, like what fertilizer to use, pest management (go organic!), co-plantings, etc.
• When gardening with groups of small children, don’t forget to make it fun and creative. Break up the “hard work” like weeding, seedling, watering, etc.
• Don’t forget to hang out in the garden and enjoy the space!
• TRY: lettuce, long bean, kale, sweet peppers, chili, kangkung, choy sum, cucumbers, tomatoes, spinach, cabbage, okra.

BOTTOM LINE 

It’s a great way to teach children where their food comes from and to help them gain the satisfaction of growing something themselves.

Children who grow food and prepare it are more likely to try it.

Did you know that I offer personalized one-on-one nutrition counselling for children and families? If this is something you’s like to learn more about, check out my service.